Advice on results?

[Vanilla]

Hello.

I am trying to turn my life around a little. After spending most of it not caring how I look/feel partially due to a strict Baptist upbringing, I'm wanting to be me and be free.

I want to become marginally physically attractive. Namely, I want some hips and a better butt.

I don't have high standards. I'd settle for "I'd tap that after a 6-pack". I know time is running out for me to look good, if I don't start now, I may get too old to start this process.

Yes, there's a guy I'm wanting the attention of, but I'm wanting this for me. If he becomes more interested, well, that's a bonus. I need to start living.

Thanks for any help.

[Auroarah]

Depending on your age, (I'm 44 so I've gotten a do over a few times) and your lifestyle habits, start slow.
If nothing else, sit down with a notebook and pin your goals.
Since you say Baptist *cough Cough* upbringing... I want to guess you're from the south? (Sorry, I'm not dissing you back there, I just don't believe in certain religious things) But if you're wanting a lifestyle change I think you can understand where I"m coming from.
Also remember, to be physically attractive you should to be beautiful on the inside. That is the most improtant, especially if you want to turn the eye of this guy. IF He is well worth having, keeping and "breeding", LOL, he will look at the inner self of you and be attracted to is just as much if not more than the outer self.
How many barbiedolls do you see who are happy? LOL
PM me if you would like to talk... I'm pretty good at advice, considering my years of Misconduct and experience....LOL
Nice to meet you BTW!!!
Take Care.

[Quail]

All I have to say is: "Learn to love yourself before you can love another."

It's very true, I lost my bf that way. By always putting myself down and not trying in life because I hate myself so much, he got tired of it after 4 years and cheated on and left me very recently. I am not learning the hard way that because of my actions, he lost interest and other guys won't even stick around when i talk the way i do about myself.

Stop trying to focus on the outside and focus on the inside. Believe me, the inner workings of a person matter more than looks in the end. A person can look good, but be a total asshat, so why be with that for any extended amount of time?

For the record, I will be 24 next month, and my first and only relationship with my ex I just had lasted 4 years. I'm not about to get on the dating horse again any time soon, despite the fact i am getting older. If no one wants me, then fine, more time and money to myself. If I never date again, i never date again, either, so be it.

Don't force things to happen that aren't yet meant to be.

[Vanilla]

Believe me when I say, I am well aware of non-physical parts of myself that need improvement.

I have been told that one thing I need is confidence. Which, in my case, is something a person can't try to have, they either have it or not. I have also been told if I felt better about my looks, maybe other things would follow suit, especially since a physical body is easier to change than some other things.

I have other sources I am utilizing for the whole "inner-self" process. I've been working on it since I decided to start changing with nary a glance at the wreck of my body. So, with a few months of personality training behind me, I think its about time I focus on the outside a little, but not at the cost of my other work.

So I ask once again. How do I get hips and/or a good butt?

[BlackSheep]

Hips are bone structure, there's really only so much you can do for that...
But to accentuate them, having a slimmer waist always helps.  Keep a strong core, planks help out immensely, not only in strengthening your abdomen but showing you where you're lacking (ie while doing planks if your shoulders are getting sore you need to work on those).  For butt and thighs, squats.  So many squats.  Get the muscle developed a little, makes the fat sit nicer and more shapelier.

So yeah, exercises that focus in the thigh through abdominal region should be what you're looking for.  Don't just focus on that though, you want a balance throughout your entire body.

[Quail]

I have been told that one thing I need is confidence. Which, in my case, is something a person can't try to have, they either have it or not.

Confidence is not something you either have or don't, it's something you learn to have. Not everyone starts out confident, they usually start out ignorant and then through trial and error, either gain confidence or don't depending on the outcomes of whatever actions they took.

By saying you either have it or don't, you're predispositioning yourself to failure already. It can be worked on, but the results are not instantaneous. It's like the whole thing of someone saying "I can't" when they haven't even tried, they start a self fulfilling prophecy of having the notion they can't do it, and then they fail which solidifies their fallible claim.

[Ayame]

  VANILLA ~~ Quail is 1000% right on this.  Confidence is a learned skill, just like throwing a baseball, or public speaking. You gain it by "practicing".... or as some people express it, "Fake it, 'till you make it".  Practice positive affirmations daily.  Yeah, I know they sound stupid, but they work.  Another thing that works is "positive visualization" (AKA, self-hypnosis).  The things you think and visualize while in relaxed, Theta brainwave state are as real to your brain as things you've physically experienced.  You also gain confidence by surrounding yourself with people who are positive and uplifting; people who can help you learn from both your successes and your mistakes, as you go along your self-improvement journey.  So be kind to yourself, and avoid people who don't support your goals, or who are continually negative and depressed.  You can't fix them, and they can undo much of your hard work.

I'm 58 years old, overweight, battling cancer, and extricating myself from a sterile marriage for a more fulfilling relationship.  If anyone knows about "lack of confidence", it's me.  But I've learned that "sexy" and "loving" are about what's inside your head and your heart, NOT about your outside appearance.  They're about being giving, adventurous, open, communicative, and (frankly) clear about being interested in sex.  That means putting yourself out there, and making the first move sometimes, regardless of the risk.  Courage and confidence do NOT mean being fearless!  They mean you feel the fear, but do it anyway.

The exercises given were great suggestions.  But if you have a sloping behind like mine, they won't give you a Jennifer Lopez "melon" booty.  Like plastic surgery, if you are realistic about becoming strong, fit, and flexible, then you'll enjoy the benefits of whatever workout plan you establish.

Edited two kerrekt speeling mystakes.