Of course, people differ. But here are
some generalizations you can use as a
starting point.
- MEN are usually more visually oriented, being stimulated most readily by what they see. They tend to prefer clear and consistent instructions/blueprints on "how to get the job done" (so to speak).
- WOMEN tend to be more verbally oriented, being stimulated by what they think/read/hear, especially before the sexual encounter actually starts. (Nag a woman Mon-Fri, and see what happens when you want sex on Saturday
)They also tend to "go with the flow" based on what they need/feel at the time. (A,B,C,D last time, and D,A,C,B this time). Always remember that what a woman imagines is happening, contributes to her orgasm as much as the stimulation that is actually happening.
But you two are way ahead of most people! You know a fantasy exists, and have talked about it enough to end up here. That's WAY more than I've done with my husband. So USE that to your advantage! Make developing it part of the sexual experience. Whoever started the fantasy, should write/type it down. It doesn't have to be long, but use as much imagery and descriptive detail as possible. Include any variations. Then their partner reads it, pictures the imagery, and considers what they can bring to the experience. Then they both read & talk about it together, sharing the once secret, sexy thoughts. Talk about how far you'd like to go with the fantasy, and what it would take to enhance the pleasure and "reality" of bringing the fantasy to life. Check your messages for a small example of what I mean.
I know this sounds like high school, but it works. Thinking about a fantasy and putting it down in text is sexy for the composer. The reader gets aroused by reading it. Talking about it together gets both partners “juiced up”, and helps each understand and feel more connected to the other. Sharing fantasies together puts you both on the
same,
level,
playing field. It provides images for the left-brain person to feed on, and descriptions/feelings for the right-brain person to feed on. Both partners add connections between the 2 sides of their brains, and have more endorphins . Orgasm might
finish in the genitals, but it
starts in the brain. I recommend starting there and working downward.
